The Eve of Christmas Eve

The snow is falling and the right side of my back is aching! Baby is due any moment now and I've realized over the past week that I'm not a bit patient. I have a lot of experience with waiting. I've waited for Haley to come, my mother to die, my wedding to come, grades to be posted, my last day of work, but waiting for a baby when you're physically uncomfortable is not a past-time that I'm good at, especially around the Holidays!

Believe me I try to smile, say kind words, do the X-Mas shopping, wrap gifts, and remain my witty, energetic self but by the time a Mama reaches 38 weeks all of that goes to hell.......all that remains is a sad, lonely, achy, irritable gal, that somewhat resembles who you were last spring, minus the 30 pounds and water retention.

Other than that life is great! Haley is really excited for Santa. She was talking to her friend on my cell phone at Barnes and Noble yesterday and loudly announced, "Emily, everyone's at the mall getting presents because Santa's coming tomorrow." Two teenage girls overheard her while they waited in line for gingerbread lattes, they laughed at Haley's sweet innocence, which also pulled on my heart strings. I noticed grandmas shoving their way through long lines of impatient, high-blood pressured, sweaty scrooges whom are too lazy to take their heavy down coats off, for fear they won't have enough arm strength to trek through the mall with their plastic sacks of last-minute attempts to buy "the right gift", which in fact is usually a gift that the receiver does not want or need.

This negative energy is like static cling, it becomes a part of your being, even if you head to the mall in good cheers and with a peaceful attitude. How sweet is it that in the middle of all of the Christmas chaos, a little six year old remains calm and innocent, simply explaining to her friend the reason all of the people around her are mad. She did not let it affect her mood, or become agitated or grouchy. She remained herself, she still wanted to play at the train at Barnes and Noble, and have a soft sugar cookie with crystal-like rainbow sprinkles. She even dropped a few shopping bags in the middle of the mall, dumping out the shirts, movies, pants and didn't overreact. "Oh, boy!", she said calmly, squatting down to the floor.

If a child can remain unaffected by the craziness of the season, then so can I, or any of us really. We often forget the real meaning of X-Mas. Gifts and traditions are wonderful but slowing down and not getting worked up if you don't have time to prepare your grandmother's homemade X-Mas tree bread is not worth the stres, instead buy a good loaf of bread, or bake some semi-homemade cookies. In the end who will really remember these silly pressures and details we pile on ourselves. Answer: Nobody!

With that being said, I will now try to apply this peacefulness and innocence to the last few weeks and days of my pregnancy. I suppose there's no need for me to stress out or get overly anxious waiting to meet my next bundle of joy because she will come when she is ready. Even if I have to live with back pain, heart burn, pelvic pressure, etc, I can look at it through the eyes of a child and remain calm and dig down, way down, in order to find my old self again, as hard as it may be, even if the world around me is out of my control, including my body! Thanks Haley, for the gift of calm and and self-awareness! I love you my sweet, first born!